- I am THANKFUL for a sweet husband who takes his own clippers and buzzes all the scraggly hairs off my head when my scalp feels like pins and needles. (Seriously, this was the thought that got the ball rolling here...)
- I am THANKFUL for warm bubble baths at the end of stressful days. And thankful that my bathroom fan drowns out the sounds of my children who should be sleeping but are making their own joyful noises.
- I am THANKFUL that my kids are so very well taken care of by dear friends when I am too sick and weak to do so myself. I cannot express how thankful I am for this.
- I am THANKFUL for Burger King original chicken sandwiches. Trevor woke Isaac up from sleep last night at 10pm to take him down to BK to get munchies. (I did not know this, I was talking on the phone in my room.) All I knew is that all of a sudden, Trevor was tossing a chicken sandwich on my bed - he hates them, but he knows I love them. I went out in the living room and the boys were watching TV eating burgers and chicken nuggets like nothing was out of the ordinary! God love 'em. Maybe this one should have been"thankful for Trevor", but I already did one for him. And I know you're thinking that the reason I have insomnia is because of my weird late night binge. But stop right there, and don't judge me! I've been sick all week, and now that I'm getting better, if food sounds good, I eat that food.
- I am THANKFUL for my scriptures. I've recently rediscovered them and it has been like catching up with an old friend. I love to read my scriptures and have felt many many flashes of inspiration and guidance from Heavenly Father as I search them.
- I am THANKFUL for the way Emma wakes up each morning. Immediately when she sees me, her face lights up and she yells, "Good morning Mommy!" and usually she runs to me with a hug and kiss.
- I am THANKFUL for Isaac's sweet calm spirit. He is so good with his little sisters and never complains (ok, rarely) when I ask him to help out - which is a lot these days.
- I am THANKFUL that Ellie gives me her special look still. I noticed this when she was just a newborn, and she still somehow has the ability to communicate, "Mom, everything is going to be fine" with just a look. I can't explain it, but that's what she does.
- I am THANKFUL for good friends and girls night outs.
- I am THANKFUL that we have a beautiful home that is warm and dry and perfect for our family. I think about this every time the rain is pelting on the windowpanes. The storm may rage out there, but my family is safe in here. :)
- I am THANKFUL for PAVE' bakery in Everett. They have the best apple cake this side of the Mississippi. Oh, and those chocolate croissants... heaven!
- I am THANKFUL for technology. (didn't Napoleon Dynamite's brother Kip write an inspiring song on the subject? See, I'm not the only one who likes technology) Seriously, the internet is such a miraculous tool, though.
- I am THANKFUL for family. We live so close to most of our family and get to see everyone on a pretty regular basis. I am sooo blessed.
- I am THANKFUL for my bookclub. There is always yummy food and wonderful conversation. Just got home, in fact. (Yes, I fell asleep after writing #13, and it wasn't until tonight that I picked up where I left off.)
- I am THANKFUL for Red Robin and the fact that they give you a free birthday burger during the month of your birthday. Me and Cindy were able to cash in on our freebies today (last day of the month!)
- I am THANKFUL that my kids have the best sleeping habits of any kids I know. They never end up in my bed, they go to bed pretty early, take great naps and wake up relatively late in the morning.
- I am THANKFUL that I live so close to mountains, the Sound, lakes, and rivers. I love the Northwest.
- I am THANKFUL for Christmas music. And decorations. And real Christmas trees.
- I am THANKFUL for good food. In particular garlic cheesy bread.
- I am THANKFUL that Trevor works from home. This comes in handy when I am sick and he can take care of me, but it also comes in handy when I want to go run errands while the girls nap. It saves us a lot of money that we would spend on gas and wear and tear on cars, and he can be "home" from work whenever I need him.
- I am THANKFUL for sunshine.
- I am THANKFUL for rain.
- I am THANKFUL I'm almost done w/ my list. I thought it would be easier to think of 30 things!
- I am THANKFUL for Biore' Pore Strips, and I just got done using one.
- I am THANKFUL that I only have 2 more chemo treatments! I am oh so excited about that.
- I am THANKFUL for my favorite TV shows. Modern Family, The Office, Parenthood, Survivor, New Girl, and ALF. Haha! Just kidding about that one.
- I am THANKFUL for friends and family who come clean my house when I am too fatigued to get everything done. I can't believe how great everyone has been.
- I am THANKFUL to be an American and to have been born in to such privileged circumstances. I have always had opportunities, a comfortable place to live and plenty of food to eat.
- I am THANKFUL for yoga pants.
- I am THANKFUL that my eyebrows and eyelashes have decided to hold tight thus far. I like that.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
30 Days of Gratitude
Now that it's the end of November, I feel it is entirely appropriate that I make a substantial list of things I am thankful for. What prompted this? You ask. I was just woken out of dead sleep by a hot flash, am unable to fall back asleep, and had a funny thankful thought. I will write them in the order they come to me: (definitely the easiest way to write things!)
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Support groups help me feel supported
During the past week and a half, I had the opportunity to attend 2 very different and wonderful breast cancer support groups. The first was over a week ago and was held at the Cancer Partnership in Everett. This is the building that I go to for all of my infusions, and where I will receive radiation when the time comes. This building is ALL CANCER ALL THE TIME! You need cancer solutions? We got 'em! You need a beanie, here's a closet full! You need a brochure telling you what foods to eat? We have an entire room of brochures! You want to sit in a waiting room full of people that look like death? No problem! You want your body poisoned slowly, but not enough to kill you? We'll do it! ;) OK, I digress... I arrived to this group an hour late, because I had the time wrong, but was able to catch the last half hour. It was really nice. The facilitator of the group was great (she actually offers free counseling to cancer patients and their families, a service I am excited to explore), they were discussing stress management when I arrived. The group consisted of about 7 or 8 women, most of which were quite a bit older than me. There was a gal in her late 40's who had a 7 year old daughter at home, so I felt like we could bond over that commonality (kids at home). She was so nice and easy to talk to. I enjoyed hearing how other people dealt with stress and it was so validating to know that yes, it is stressful to go through what we're going through.
The next week (last Wednesday), I attended another support group. This one was a group called the Young Survivors Coalition. The group is full of women who were diagnosed with breast cancer in their 20's and 30's. They meet in Seattle in a building owned by "Gilda's Club", I believe a non-profit organization that supports cancer survivor's and their families. Anyways, OH MY GOSH! I LOVED being at this support group. I felt an instant connection with these girls. I sat down (there were 10-13 people there) in a big over stuffed chair. There were easy chairs and comfy couches forming a circle, with a pile of blankets in the middle in case you got cold. They had treats and drinks, the atmosphere was relaxed, and I felt like I related to every person who spoke. The format was totally loose, we went around the circle and told our stories to each other. There were so many girls that had my same exact kind of cancer and the same stage. Some of them were through with treatments, some of us were relatively new. Some of them had kids, some worked full time, some were students, some were single, we probably had a million differences, but I felt instantly bonded to them because of this huge thing we had in common: Our bodies had turned on us. (That was how one of the girls put it, and I had been feeling the same way, just hadn't put it in those words.) Even though I just met these girls, I have been thinking about them a lot over the past several days and I've even been worrying about some of them and am eager to go back and get to know them better. The only problem with this support group is that it's in Seattle, and it seriously took me 2 1/2 hours to get there battling traffic during rush hour last Wed. I know it won't always be like that, but it will always be during rush hour, and it will always take longer than the usual hour. I do plan to go as often as I can, I know it will be immensely therapeutic.
Anyways, due to a demand from out of town friends and family, I am going to put a couple of pictures of what I look like these days. Here's one of me and my bald head. I rarely go in public this way, it is just too cold. But I ain't ashamed, let's be clear!
I'm not so good with the photo editing right now, otherwise, I woulda cropped it and zoomed in on my shiny scalp. Now here's a couple of me in my wig. This is just one of my three wigs. You'll just have to wait for another day to get pics of the other two. It'll give you something to look forward to. The first is when I have it pulled back in a barret...
The next one is when I took the barret out. Not sure why it turned out so dark...
I don't wear wigs very often because they're not super comfy. Here's one of me with a scarf. This is probably my most common look. We're at Red Robin with the kids and Trevor surprised me with an early anniversary gift:
So my days aren't really full of thinking about and treating my cancer, although you wouldn't know it to read my blog! Me and Emma participate in a preschool coop. There are 6 little girls in it and we, the moms, rotate being the teachers! I have arranged the schedule in such a way that my teaching weeks fall on days that I feel good enough to do it. And it has been so fun for both me and Emma. She loves her little friends and is learning a lot. Here are a couple of pictures of that. This first one is of the girls wearing crowns of leaves. They were "leaf princesses"! Ellie and Emma are sitting on the middle couch cushion.
We went out back to pick apples, then used them to make apple stamps. It was great!
They don't all get along ALL the time. And they don't all do the cute pose you're trying to get them to do ALL the time. Bless their hearts! ;)
Now here's one of Isaac and Trevor showing off the 10 pounds of candy that Isaac pulled in! Now you know what we're gonna stuff the kids' stockings with this year...
Now after you see the next few, you will never again be able to support an argument that we are not fun cool parents:
Now you know you want to jump in to that big pit-o-foam!
This is a place called Absolute Air, we love it. Just look at Emma's face here. So these are just a few of the things our family has been doing lately... We are trying hard to keep busy and have fun as a family.
This week is a chemo week, so you probably won't hear from me for a little while. I'm so excited to complete the last half of my chemo treatment! Woot woot! Bring it on. Er, I guess, if you have to.
The next week (last Wednesday), I attended another support group. This one was a group called the Young Survivors Coalition. The group is full of women who were diagnosed with breast cancer in their 20's and 30's. They meet in Seattle in a building owned by "Gilda's Club", I believe a non-profit organization that supports cancer survivor's and their families. Anyways, OH MY GOSH! I LOVED being at this support group. I felt an instant connection with these girls. I sat down (there were 10-13 people there) in a big over stuffed chair. There were easy chairs and comfy couches forming a circle, with a pile of blankets in the middle in case you got cold. They had treats and drinks, the atmosphere was relaxed, and I felt like I related to every person who spoke. The format was totally loose, we went around the circle and told our stories to each other. There were so many girls that had my same exact kind of cancer and the same stage. Some of them were through with treatments, some of us were relatively new. Some of them had kids, some worked full time, some were students, some were single, we probably had a million differences, but I felt instantly bonded to them because of this huge thing we had in common: Our bodies had turned on us. (That was how one of the girls put it, and I had been feeling the same way, just hadn't put it in those words.) Even though I just met these girls, I have been thinking about them a lot over the past several days and I've even been worrying about some of them and am eager to go back and get to know them better. The only problem with this support group is that it's in Seattle, and it seriously took me 2 1/2 hours to get there battling traffic during rush hour last Wed. I know it won't always be like that, but it will always be during rush hour, and it will always take longer than the usual hour. I do plan to go as often as I can, I know it will be immensely therapeutic.
Anyways, due to a demand from out of town friends and family, I am going to put a couple of pictures of what I look like these days. Here's one of me and my bald head. I rarely go in public this way, it is just too cold. But I ain't ashamed, let's be clear!
I'm not so good with the photo editing right now, otherwise, I woulda cropped it and zoomed in on my shiny scalp. Now here's a couple of me in my wig. This is just one of my three wigs. You'll just have to wait for another day to get pics of the other two. It'll give you something to look forward to. The first is when I have it pulled back in a barret...
The next one is when I took the barret out. Not sure why it turned out so dark...
I don't wear wigs very often because they're not super comfy. Here's one of me with a scarf. This is probably my most common look. We're at Red Robin with the kids and Trevor surprised me with an early anniversary gift:
So my days aren't really full of thinking about and treating my cancer, although you wouldn't know it to read my blog! Me and Emma participate in a preschool coop. There are 6 little girls in it and we, the moms, rotate being the teachers! I have arranged the schedule in such a way that my teaching weeks fall on days that I feel good enough to do it. And it has been so fun for both me and Emma. She loves her little friends and is learning a lot. Here are a couple of pictures of that. This first one is of the girls wearing crowns of leaves. They were "leaf princesses"! Ellie and Emma are sitting on the middle couch cushion.
We went out back to pick apples, then used them to make apple stamps. It was great!
They don't all get along ALL the time. And they don't all do the cute pose you're trying to get them to do ALL the time. Bless their hearts! ;)
Now here's one of Isaac and Trevor showing off the 10 pounds of candy that Isaac pulled in! Now you know what we're gonna stuff the kids' stockings with this year...
Now after you see the next few, you will never again be able to support an argument that we are not fun cool parents:
Now you know you want to jump in to that big pit-o-foam!
This is a place called Absolute Air, we love it. Just look at Emma's face here. So these are just a few of the things our family has been doing lately... We are trying hard to keep busy and have fun as a family.
This week is a chemo week, so you probably won't hear from me for a little while. I'm so excited to complete the last half of my chemo treatment! Woot woot! Bring it on. Er, I guess, if you have to.
Friday, November 11, 2011
11/11/11!
Well I would be completely remiss if I neglected to write in my blog on 11/11/11! A very special day to wish a happy 33rd (yes, 11+11+11=33) b-day to Cindy Glunt. Now, if I time it just right, I will click "publish post" at exactly 11:11pm. Oh my gosh am I a dork?
I feel like I'm letting more and more time pass between posting in my blog, but I want to still keep in touch, especially with friends and family that live far away and wonder how I'm doing. My last chemo infusion was 9 days ago, and I made it through the hard first week, and am starting up with the good 2 weeks. That's how it goes: a really hard week followed by 2 pretty good ones. It's nice that there is a pattern and I can anticipate how I'll feel on any particular date. Seriously, give me a date and I'll tell you how I'm gonna feel. Thanksgiving? I'm gonna feel like crap. Christmas? I'm gonna feel amazing. See, I've already mapped out the holidays. Black Friday? Don't even think about it. I'll be home in the fetal position rocking back and forth.
Last Saturday (3 days after chemo) I went to the Zumba fundraiser my friends held for me in Stanwood. It was pretty amazing to go see. To have so many friends there (and lots that I didn't even know) to support me felt so good. Trevor actually came and did Zumba in a gorilla costume! It was pretty funny, but he didn't last long in that. I guess it's pretty warm. :) Anyways, we stayed for a while, and I tried to Zumba it up as well as I could, but I had zero energy or stamina, and felt pretty embarrassed that I could barely last through a full song without having to go sit. Sitting and watching became kind of hard, because I kept getting jealous of all the happy healthy dancing bodies in the room, so Trev took me out to lunch. I was glad I got to go and be there for part of it, and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to be surrounded by wonderful people who work so hard to make things easier for me and my family.
That day (Nov 5th) also was our 6th anniversary! I can't believe it's been 6 whole years, time flies. Trev still can't believe he married me with what he calls my "pre-existing condition". That would be the cancer. We were told that my cancer is about 7 years old. This is an estimate based on the size of the largest tumor and the rate the cells divide. So, technically, I had cancer before I even knew Trevor. But now he's stuck with me! (For those that don't know Trevor's sense of humor, don't be worried. We joke about the "preexisting condition". He's not insensitive, just funny!)
So I get a lot of "how are you feeling?" questions and it's really hard to explain the crummy 1st week feeling... It's a little bit like 1st trimester pregnancy because food sounds terrible, but the only way to feel better it to eat sometimes. This time around, my fingers, tongue and lips are tingly. My hot flashes come and go just as annoyingly as ever, my taste buds are out of whack- food just doesn't taste right. And I'm tired a lot. But guess what? I've finished 3 chemo infusions, and I only have 3 left. Soooo... that's freakin' awesome, right? It feels really amazing to be half done.
Trudy and Susan (with her 2 kiddos Natalie and Gerard) came to take care of me and my kids today. It was so nice, I was able to get in a little nap, the kids played, me and Trudy took Natalie and Emma for a little walk in the rain (we sang Christmas carols all the way home) and we just relaxed. Then tomorrow, Mom and Dad will come spend the day up here, since Trevor and Isaac are going to be hunting. It's nice to get so much help and support.
Anyways, I think the Melatonin is starting to kick in finally. My mom suggested it since I have a hard time with sleeping these days. I'm crossing my fingers for a full night's sleep w/ no interruption.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I feel like I'm letting more and more time pass between posting in my blog, but I want to still keep in touch, especially with friends and family that live far away and wonder how I'm doing. My last chemo infusion was 9 days ago, and I made it through the hard first week, and am starting up with the good 2 weeks. That's how it goes: a really hard week followed by 2 pretty good ones. It's nice that there is a pattern and I can anticipate how I'll feel on any particular date. Seriously, give me a date and I'll tell you how I'm gonna feel. Thanksgiving? I'm gonna feel like crap. Christmas? I'm gonna feel amazing. See, I've already mapped out the holidays. Black Friday? Don't even think about it. I'll be home in the fetal position rocking back and forth.
Last Saturday (3 days after chemo) I went to the Zumba fundraiser my friends held for me in Stanwood. It was pretty amazing to go see. To have so many friends there (and lots that I didn't even know) to support me felt so good. Trevor actually came and did Zumba in a gorilla costume! It was pretty funny, but he didn't last long in that. I guess it's pretty warm. :) Anyways, we stayed for a while, and I tried to Zumba it up as well as I could, but I had zero energy or stamina, and felt pretty embarrassed that I could barely last through a full song without having to go sit. Sitting and watching became kind of hard, because I kept getting jealous of all the happy healthy dancing bodies in the room, so Trev took me out to lunch. I was glad I got to go and be there for part of it, and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to be surrounded by wonderful people who work so hard to make things easier for me and my family.
That day (Nov 5th) also was our 6th anniversary! I can't believe it's been 6 whole years, time flies. Trev still can't believe he married me with what he calls my "pre-existing condition". That would be the cancer. We were told that my cancer is about 7 years old. This is an estimate based on the size of the largest tumor and the rate the cells divide. So, technically, I had cancer before I even knew Trevor. But now he's stuck with me! (For those that don't know Trevor's sense of humor, don't be worried. We joke about the "preexisting condition". He's not insensitive, just funny!)
So I get a lot of "how are you feeling?" questions and it's really hard to explain the crummy 1st week feeling... It's a little bit like 1st trimester pregnancy because food sounds terrible, but the only way to feel better it to eat sometimes. This time around, my fingers, tongue and lips are tingly. My hot flashes come and go just as annoyingly as ever, my taste buds are out of whack- food just doesn't taste right. And I'm tired a lot. But guess what? I've finished 3 chemo infusions, and I only have 3 left. Soooo... that's freakin' awesome, right? It feels really amazing to be half done.
Trudy and Susan (with her 2 kiddos Natalie and Gerard) came to take care of me and my kids today. It was so nice, I was able to get in a little nap, the kids played, me and Trudy took Natalie and Emma for a little walk in the rain (we sang Christmas carols all the way home) and we just relaxed. Then tomorrow, Mom and Dad will come spend the day up here, since Trevor and Isaac are going to be hunting. It's nice to get so much help and support.
Anyways, I think the Melatonin is starting to kick in finally. My mom suggested it since I have a hard time with sleeping these days. I'm crossing my fingers for a full night's sleep w/ no interruption.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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