Almost done with the "Crappy Crap"!!

All right everyone, here I sit watching My Little Ponies with Emma and Ellie the night before my VERY LAST CHEMO INFUSION!! Yes, can you tell I'm a little happy about that?  (No, not the Pony part... I tried watching Sound of Music with them but they got bored with the talking parts, then I tried Wizard of Oz, but they were scared by the wizard.  So I finally let Emma pick a show.) (And stop judging me for letting them watch so much TV tonight.  I'm really tired.)  I will go in early in the morning for a blood draw, then meet with my Oncologist, ask her all my burning questions, then go to support group all before my 12:00 appointment for liquid poison.  I am praying that my blood counts will all be in the normal range, because last time I went in for my scheduled chemo, my platelets and red blood cell counts were too low, and my doctor had me wait another week.  I looked at her and cried because it ruined my plan to be done with this treatment by Jan 4.  And it ruined my plan to be healthy the week before Christmas.  But, I've heard that is kind of common, especially towards the end of treatment...And it all ended up working out just fine, though.  The change in schedule made it possible for Trevor and I to attend the Young Survivor Coalition holiday party.  This is the support group I attend that meets in Seattle.  It seems to be more than a support group, but a great  community of women, who continue to come to meetings and events long after treatment is over. I have made some friends there and have had some really good talks.  I love it because I get to learn all the lovely things my mind and body have in store in the coming months and years. ;)

On the subject of "things that are common towards the end of chemo", my hair is actually starting to grow back.  It's kind of weird that it would grow back so soon, but I'm not gonna argue!  It's not thick and lovely looking, but is sparse, soft and sickly looking.  But, it's HAIR!  I'm kind of curious what it will grow back like: They say that straight hair after chemo grows back curly, so I'm guessing my curly hair will grow back curli-er.  Can't wait to find out.

OK now, I'm sitting in the hall outside of the Kids' rooms waiting for Emma to fall asleep.  She is scared of bedtime recently and sometimes if I sit here until she falls asleep, it helps her feel safe. She thinks a monster will come out of her closet.  :(  

OK, this is a little off topic, but here is a picture Emily Stephens took of me and Isaac last weekend in a Krispy Creme.  Not quite sure why my had looks all jacked up... See us smiling with excitement watching those hot doughnuts come out of the oil?  We spontaneously hopped off the freeway on our way down to Centralia just because we saw the "HOT NOW" sign lit up. We were so excited to get our free Original Glazed doughnut fresh off the belt, only to find out they "don't do that anymore". Ugh.  Ya mean we have to BUY our doughnuts?!!  What is that all about?

Well, I just read through this post and it is probably more random than most. Sorry 'bout that. You have to read it in the same order I think it, I guess.  Anyways, wish me luck!  Here's to blood counts in the "normal" range, and a week of sickness.  I promise I won't complain, I am excited to put chemo behind me.  And I'm excited to be the one that the nurses come over to and clap for tomorrow... I'm gonna make some newbie cry with jealousy!  Heh heh heh.

Support groups help me feel supported

During the past week and a half, I had the opportunity to attend 2 very different and wonderful breast cancer support groups.  The first was over a week ago and was held at the Cancer Partnership in Everett.  This is the building that I go to for all of my infusions, and where I will receive radiation when the time comes.  This building is ALL CANCER ALL THE TIME!  You need cancer solutions?  We got 'em!  You need a beanie, here's a closet full!  You need a brochure telling you what foods to eat?  We have an entire room of brochures!  You want to sit in a waiting room full of people that look like death?  No problem!  You want your body poisoned slowly, but not enough to kill you?  We'll do it!  ;)  OK, I digress... I arrived to this group an hour late, because I had the time wrong, but was able to catch the last half hour.  It was really nice.  The facilitator of the group was great (she actually offers free counseling to cancer patients and their families, a service I am excited to explore), they were discussing stress management when I arrived.  The group consisted of about 7 or 8 women, most of which were quite a bit older than me.  There was a gal in her late 40's who had a 7 year old daughter at home, so I felt like we could bond over that commonality (kids at home).  She was so nice and easy to talk to.  I enjoyed hearing how other people dealt with stress and it was so validating to know that yes, it is stressful to go through what we're going through.

The next week (last Wednesday), I attended another support group.  This one was a group called the Young Survivors Coalition.  The group is full of women who were diagnosed with breast cancer in their 20's and 30's.  They meet in Seattle in a building owned by "Gilda's Club", I believe a non-profit organization that supports cancer survivor's and their families.  Anyways, OH MY GOSH!  I LOVED being at this support group.  I felt an instant connection with these girls. I sat down (there were 10-13 people there) in a big over stuffed chair.  There were easy chairs and comfy couches forming a circle, with a pile of blankets in the middle in case you got cold.  They had treats and drinks, the atmosphere was relaxed, and I felt like I related to every person who spoke.  The format was totally loose, we went around the circle and told our stories to each other.  There were so many girls that had my same exact kind of cancer and the same stage.  Some of them were through with treatments, some of us were relatively new.  Some of them had kids, some worked full time, some were students, some were single, we probably had a million differences, but I felt instantly bonded to them because of this huge thing we had in common: Our bodies had turned on us.  (That was how one of the girls put it, and I had been feeling the same way, just hadn't put it in those words.)  Even though I just met these girls, I have been thinking about them a lot over the past several days and I've even been worrying about some of them and am eager to go back and get to know them better.  The only problem with this support group is that it's in Seattle, and it seriously took me 2 1/2 hours to get there battling traffic during rush hour last Wed.  I know it won't always be like that, but it will always be during rush hour, and it will always take longer than the usual hour.  I do plan to go as often as I can, I know it will be immensely therapeutic. 

Anyways, due to a demand from out of town friends and family, I am going to put a couple of pictures of what I look like these days.  Here's one of me and my bald head.  I rarely go in public this way, it is just too cold.  But I ain't ashamed, let's be clear!

I'm not so good with the photo editing right now, otherwise, I woulda cropped it and zoomed in on my shiny scalp.  Now here's a couple of me in my wig.  This is just one of my three wigs.  You'll just have to wait for another day to get pics of the other two.  It'll give you something to look forward to.  The first is when I have it pulled back in a barret...

The next one is when I took the barret out.  Not sure why it turned out so dark...

I don't wear wigs very often because they're not super comfy.  Here's one of me with a scarf.  This is probably my most common look.  We're at Red Robin with the kids and Trevor surprised me with an early anniversary gift:

So my days aren't really full of thinking about and treating my cancer, although you wouldn't know it to read my blog! Me and Emma participate in a preschool coop.  There are 6 little girls in it and we, the moms, rotate being the teachers!  I have arranged the schedule in such a way that my teaching weeks fall on days that I feel good enough to do it.  And it has been so fun for both me and Emma.  She loves her little friends and is learning a lot.  Here are a couple of pictures of that.  This first one is of the girls wearing crowns of leaves.  They were "leaf princesses"!  Ellie and Emma are sitting on the middle couch cushion.

We went out back to pick apples, then used them to make apple stamps.  It was great!

They don't all get along ALL the time.  And they don't all do the cute pose you're trying to get them to do ALL the time.  Bless their hearts! ;)

Now here's one of Isaac and Trevor showing off the 10 pounds of candy that Isaac pulled in!  Now you know what we're gonna stuff the kids' stockings with this year...

Now after you see the next few, you will never again be able to support an argument that we are not fun cool parents:

Now you know you want to jump in to that big pit-o-foam!

This is a place called Absolute Air, we love it.  Just look at Emma's face here. So these are just a few of the things our family has been doing lately... We are trying hard to keep busy and have fun as a family.

This week is a chemo week, so you probably won't hear from me for a little while.  I'm so excited to complete the last half of my chemo treatment!  Woot woot!  Bring it on.  Er, I guess, if you have to.