11/11/11!

Well I would be completely remiss if I neglected to write in my blog on 11/11/11!  A very special day to wish a happy 33rd (yes, 11+11+11=33) b-day to Cindy Glunt.  Now, if I time it just right, I will click "publish post" at exactly 11:11pm.  Oh my gosh am I a dork?

I feel like I'm letting more and more time pass between posting in my blog, but I want to still keep in touch, especially with friends and family that live far away and wonder how I'm doing.  My last chemo infusion was 9 days ago, and I made it through the hard first week, and am starting up with the good 2 weeks.  That's how it goes:  a really hard week followed by 2 pretty good ones.  It's nice that there is a pattern and I can anticipate how I'll feel on any particular date.  Seriously, give me a date and I'll tell you how I'm gonna feel.  Thanksgiving?  I'm gonna feel like crap.  Christmas?   I'm gonna feel amazing.  See, I've already mapped out the holidays.  Black Friday?  Don't even think about it.  I'll be home in the fetal position rocking back and forth.

Last Saturday (3 days after chemo) I went to the Zumba fundraiser my friends held for me in Stanwood.  It was pretty amazing to go see.  To have so many friends there (and lots that I didn't even know) to support me felt so good.  Trevor actually came and did Zumba in a gorilla costume!  It was pretty funny, but he didn't last long in that.  I guess it's pretty warm. :)  Anyways, we stayed for a while, and I tried to Zumba it up as well as I could, but I had zero energy or stamina, and felt pretty embarrassed that I could barely last through a full song without having to go sit.  Sitting and watching became kind of hard, because I kept getting jealous of all the happy healthy dancing bodies in the room, so Trev took me out to lunch.  I was glad I got to go and be there for part of it, and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to be surrounded by wonderful people who work so hard to make things easier for me and my family. 

That day (Nov 5th) also was our 6th anniversary!  I can't believe it's been 6 whole years, time flies.  Trev still can't believe he married me with what he calls my "pre-existing condition".  That would be the cancer.  We were told that my cancer is about 7 years old.  This is an estimate based on the size of the largest tumor and the rate the cells divide.  So, technically, I had cancer before I even knew Trevor.  But now he's stuck with me!  (For those that don't know Trevor's sense of humor, don't be worried.  We joke about the "preexisting condition".  He's not insensitive, just funny!) 

So I get a lot of "how are you feeling?" questions and it's really hard to explain the crummy 1st week feeling... It's a little bit like 1st trimester pregnancy because food sounds terrible, but the only way to feel better it to eat sometimes.  This time around, my fingers, tongue and lips are tingly.  My hot flashes come and go just as annoyingly as ever, my taste buds are out of whack- food just doesn't taste right.  And I'm tired a lot.  But guess what?  I've finished 3 chemo infusions, and I only have 3 left.  Soooo... that's freakin' awesome, right?  It feels really amazing to be half done.

Trudy and Susan (with her 2 kiddos Natalie and Gerard) came to take care of me and my kids today.  It was so nice, I was able to get in a little nap, the kids played, me and Trudy took Natalie and Emma for a little walk in the rain (we sang Christmas carols all the way home) and we just relaxed.  Then tomorrow, Mom and Dad will come spend the day up here, since Trevor and Isaac are going to be hunting.  It's nice to get so much help and support.

Anyways, I think the Melatonin is starting to kick in finally.  My mom suggested it since I have a hard time with sleeping these days.  I'm crossing my fingers for a full night's sleep w/ no interruption.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Heart Attack!

Have you ever had a heart attack?  I have given many in my lifetime, but for the first time ever, I recieved one tonight.  This is what it looked like:

Now how could this not make me smile?  It was after dinner, I had just woken up from a little nap (herceptin made me sleepy), and there was a ring of the doorbell.  When I opened the door, there was no person in sight, but this is what I saw!  Each heart had a little message on it such as "bald is beautiful", or "we love you"!  One of the hearts said this was love from the Miamaids from the Arlington 1st ward.(Translation for non-mormons: love from the 14-15 year old girls from a congregation of Mormons that meets in Arlington.)  So cute!

So today I went in for my weekly Herceptin drip. They assigned me to a semi-private room, which felt a little weird because there was already an older man and his wife in the tiny room when my friend Kim and I walked in.  I said to him as I sat down, "So what are you in for?" just trying to make light of our obvious chemo-type situations.  His answer was "Life."  It turns out he found out in July that he has metastatic lung cancer.  He just woke up one day and felt a little different, so he went to the doctor.  He's got huge tumors in several of his organs and on his spine.  No cure.  Just treatment.  So sad.  I tried so hard to not cry talking to him but of course the tears welled up.  His wife said that at least he didn't have a lot of regrets and things he wishes he had done.  He lived a full life and had come to grips with what was happening to him.  "It is what it is" she said. 

My own news isn't so grim, though. My chemo is working!!!!!  I can barely even tell I have a tumor in my breast at all anymore.  Dr. Wang, my oncologist, today told me that she could barely feel it either.  It has only been 2 weeks since I started chemo and already HUGE results!  I couldn't be more thrilled.  She told me it's entirely possible there would be no trace of the cancer by the time I have my surgery.  But, yes, the surgery will still take place, in case you were going to ask.  Also, my little tiny hairs on my scalp are starting to fall out.  I guess that's another indication that the chemo is working, right?  I was tweezing my eyebrows this morning, and you know how usually it kind of hurts?   My hairs were just coming right out, no pain.  No resistance.  HIYAH Cancer!

So now it's 2am, and I'm still not tired.  Darn after dinner nap.