Well I would be completely remiss if I neglected to write in my blog on 11/11/11! A very special day to wish a happy 33rd (yes, 11+11+11=33) b-day to Cindy Glunt. Now, if I time it just right, I will click "publish post" at exactly 11:11pm. Oh my gosh am I a dork?
I feel like I'm letting more and more time pass between posting in my blog, but I want to still keep in touch, especially with friends and family that live far away and wonder how I'm doing. My last chemo infusion was 9 days ago, and I made it through the hard first week, and am starting up with the good 2 weeks. That's how it goes: a really hard week followed by 2 pretty good ones. It's nice that there is a pattern and I can anticipate how I'll feel on any particular date. Seriously, give me a date and I'll tell you how I'm gonna feel. Thanksgiving? I'm gonna feel like crap. Christmas? I'm gonna feel amazing. See, I've already mapped out the holidays. Black Friday? Don't even think about it. I'll be home in the fetal position rocking back and forth.
Last Saturday (3 days after chemo) I went to the Zumba fundraiser my friends held for me in Stanwood. It was pretty amazing to go see. To have so many friends there (and lots that I didn't even know) to support me felt so good. Trevor actually came and did Zumba in a gorilla costume! It was pretty funny, but he didn't last long in that. I guess it's pretty warm. :) Anyways, we stayed for a while, and I tried to Zumba it up as well as I could, but I had zero energy or stamina, and felt pretty embarrassed that I could barely last through a full song without having to go sit. Sitting and watching became kind of hard, because I kept getting jealous of all the happy healthy dancing bodies in the room, so Trev took me out to lunch. I was glad I got to go and be there for part of it, and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to be surrounded by wonderful people who work so hard to make things easier for me and my family.
That day (Nov 5th) also was our 6th anniversary! I can't believe it's been 6 whole years, time flies. Trev still can't believe he married me with what he calls my "pre-existing condition". That would be the cancer. We were told that my cancer is about 7 years old. This is an estimate based on the size of the largest tumor and the rate the cells divide. So, technically, I had cancer before I even knew Trevor. But now he's stuck with me! (For those that don't know Trevor's sense of humor, don't be worried. We joke about the "preexisting condition". He's not insensitive, just funny!)
So I get a lot of "how are you feeling?" questions and it's really hard to explain the crummy 1st week feeling... It's a little bit like 1st trimester pregnancy because food sounds terrible, but the only way to feel better it to eat sometimes. This time around, my fingers, tongue and lips are tingly. My hot flashes come and go just as annoyingly as ever, my taste buds are out of whack- food just doesn't taste right. And I'm tired a lot. But guess what? I've finished 3 chemo infusions, and I only have 3 left. Soooo... that's freakin' awesome, right? It feels really amazing to be half done.
Trudy and Susan (with her 2 kiddos Natalie and Gerard) came to take care of me and my kids today. It was so nice, I was able to get in a little nap, the kids played, me and Trudy took Natalie and Emma for a little walk in the rain (we sang Christmas carols all the way home) and we just relaxed. Then tomorrow, Mom and Dad will come spend the day up here, since Trevor and Isaac are going to be hunting. It's nice to get so much help and support.
Anyways, I think the Melatonin is starting to kick in finally. My mom suggested it since I have a hard time with sleeping these days. I'm crossing my fingers for a full night's sleep w/ no interruption.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Showing posts with label taste buds. Show all posts
Showing posts with label taste buds. Show all posts
Friday, November 11, 2011
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Ups and downs
You know, I've had good days and I've had bad days. Isn't that what life is all about? Experiencing both joy and pain, sickness and health, ups and downs? This is how we learn, grow and progress. I know this. I understand that we need to go through the miserable times to help us better appreciate the great times, and I'm glad for that perspective, but sometimes I just want to feel sorry for myself! ;)
That's where I was last week: feeling very, very VERY sorry for myself. Let me tell you something about going through menopause. It ain't fun. It messes with your mind, emotions, sleep patterns, internal thermometer... I was either in tears or on the verge the entire week. Not to mention the other stuff chemo does to me: constipation, changed taste buds, my mouth feeling "weird", headaches, and the ever present fatigue. BUT my symptoms and moods are kind of predictable, and I remember to tell myself that it's all temporary and it's the chemo's fault. Not Trevor's. Not the kids'.
I did a lot of reading that week. Reading of other people's cancer experiences. I read a really good article by a woman who was about my age and went through cancer treatments in 2010. She's about my age and kept a detailed journal throughout her treatments and compiled some of her thoughts in to an article. It was so VALIDATING for me to read her words. I identified with so many of her feelings. For example, she cried when the nurse inserted the needle for the IV. I totally do that! Every single time I get poked with a needle, whether it's in my port, arm, or butt, a single tear trickles down my face. I hate it. Needles never bothered me before, but I hate them now. Hate. Another thing she put in to words for me is this:
"I thought having fatigue, as the doctor referred to it, meant I'd be out like a light. Nope. In fact, actual sleep is elusive. Fatigue means curling up under a blanket without moving. For hours. My mind is usually racing, but my body is perfectly still."
Then she goes on to say that her parents convinced her to move back in with them (she was engaged, no kids) for the duration of cancer treatments. She does this and is able to be taken care of by them, rarely leaving their home except when she goes to the city for her chemo treatments. I have to admit that made me REALLY jealous. Not that I don't love my kids. I mean come on, have you even seen our family photos? They are adorable. I CLEARLY love my kids. But to be able to "curl up under a blanket without moving for hours" and give in to the fatigue sometimes sounds nice.
http://lifestyle.msn.com/your-life/bigger-picture/article.aspx?cp-documentid=30982257&OCID=LIKE
OK, apparently I don't know how to insert a link into a blog, but if you want to read it, you may copy and paste! I really could go on forever about the things she writes about that strike a major nerve in me. I wanted to find her email address so I could send her an email and thank her for sharing her journal with the world. It was truly therapeutic to read and was a factor in my decision to find a good support group of young breast cancer survivors to join.
So anyways, it's not all so terrible all the time. Really, it's not. It's that first full week after a chemo treatment that's a doozy. Then the next 2 weeks are better. Seriously better. Like, I'm almost a normal person. In fact I just got home from a Zumba party!
It just happened to be a Party in Pink-a fundraiser for the Susan G. Komen Foundation. It was a blast! It was my first time doing Zumba in a club type setting, and I loved it. I just wish I could have kept up a little better. I have very little energy or stamina right now, but I did the best I could. Trevor even came and shook it with the rest of us! Well, he's still not sure if Zumba is his "thing", but I think he did awesome. My friend Jamie was one of the instructors there and she had asked me ahead of time if I could say a few words to the group to help them understand the importance of breast cancer research. When I got up on the stage, they all clapped and cheered for me before I even said a word. (It was the bald head that tipped them off that I was a cancer survivor-either that, or they could see my port under my baggy pink t-shirt. No, it was the bald head for sure!) I told them my story, specifically how I came to be diagnosed, and how treatments are going. They laughed, they cried, they cheered lots for me (where were they all last week when I was crying in my bathtub? I coulda used some cheers then!) and I made sure I put in a nice plug for the NEXT Zumba fundraiser that was being held next weekend for... ahem... me.
Yes, my dear fundraising friends are at it again and I couldn't love them more for it! Next Saturday, November 5th, from 11:00am to 12:30pm in Stanwood. I am so very thankful for those that spend so much time and energy raising money for us during this time. I cannot express how much it means to us.
Well I need to go catch some ZZZZ's now. Tomorrow morning (9am) is the children's primary program at church and we can't be late!
That's where I was last week: feeling very, very VERY sorry for myself. Let me tell you something about going through menopause. It ain't fun. It messes with your mind, emotions, sleep patterns, internal thermometer... I was either in tears or on the verge the entire week. Not to mention the other stuff chemo does to me: constipation, changed taste buds, my mouth feeling "weird", headaches, and the ever present fatigue. BUT my symptoms and moods are kind of predictable, and I remember to tell myself that it's all temporary and it's the chemo's fault. Not Trevor's. Not the kids'.
I did a lot of reading that week. Reading of other people's cancer experiences. I read a really good article by a woman who was about my age and went through cancer treatments in 2010. She's about my age and kept a detailed journal throughout her treatments and compiled some of her thoughts in to an article. It was so VALIDATING for me to read her words. I identified with so many of her feelings. For example, she cried when the nurse inserted the needle for the IV. I totally do that! Every single time I get poked with a needle, whether it's in my port, arm, or butt, a single tear trickles down my face. I hate it. Needles never bothered me before, but I hate them now. Hate. Another thing she put in to words for me is this:
"I thought having fatigue, as the doctor referred to it, meant I'd be out like a light. Nope. In fact, actual sleep is elusive. Fatigue means curling up under a blanket without moving. For hours. My mind is usually racing, but my body is perfectly still."
Then she goes on to say that her parents convinced her to move back in with them (she was engaged, no kids) for the duration of cancer treatments. She does this and is able to be taken care of by them, rarely leaving their home except when she goes to the city for her chemo treatments. I have to admit that made me REALLY jealous. Not that I don't love my kids. I mean come on, have you even seen our family photos? They are adorable. I CLEARLY love my kids. But to be able to "curl up under a blanket without moving for hours" and give in to the fatigue sometimes sounds nice.
http://lifestyle.msn.com/your-life/bigger-picture/article.aspx?cp-documentid=30982257&OCID=LIKE
OK, apparently I don't know how to insert a link into a blog, but if you want to read it, you may copy and paste! I really could go on forever about the things she writes about that strike a major nerve in me. I wanted to find her email address so I could send her an email and thank her for sharing her journal with the world. It was truly therapeutic to read and was a factor in my decision to find a good support group of young breast cancer survivors to join.
So anyways, it's not all so terrible all the time. Really, it's not. It's that first full week after a chemo treatment that's a doozy. Then the next 2 weeks are better. Seriously better. Like, I'm almost a normal person. In fact I just got home from a Zumba party!
It just happened to be a Party in Pink-a fundraiser for the Susan G. Komen Foundation. It was a blast! It was my first time doing Zumba in a club type setting, and I loved it. I just wish I could have kept up a little better. I have very little energy or stamina right now, but I did the best I could. Trevor even came and shook it with the rest of us! Well, he's still not sure if Zumba is his "thing", but I think he did awesome. My friend Jamie was one of the instructors there and she had asked me ahead of time if I could say a few words to the group to help them understand the importance of breast cancer research. When I got up on the stage, they all clapped and cheered for me before I even said a word. (It was the bald head that tipped them off that I was a cancer survivor-either that, or they could see my port under my baggy pink t-shirt. No, it was the bald head for sure!) I told them my story, specifically how I came to be diagnosed, and how treatments are going. They laughed, they cried, they cheered lots for me (where were they all last week when I was crying in my bathtub? I coulda used some cheers then!) and I made sure I put in a nice plug for the NEXT Zumba fundraiser that was being held next weekend for... ahem... me.
Yes, my dear fundraising friends are at it again and I couldn't love them more for it! Next Saturday, November 5th, from 11:00am to 12:30pm in Stanwood. I am so very thankful for those that spend so much time and energy raising money for us during this time. I cannot express how much it means to us.
Well I need to go catch some ZZZZ's now. Tomorrow morning (9am) is the children's primary program at church and we can't be late!
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