Mastectomy Eve!

Well, tomorrow's a big day for me:  the day I lose my womanhood. ;)  I'm actually feeling pretty OK with everything, considering what's coming up.  I'm mostly concerned that it's going to be hard not holding and hugging my kids for a few weeks.  As I tucked the girls in their beds tonight, I was thinking of how sad it was that this would be the last time in a while that I'll be able to pick up Ellie and hold her tight. She's running a fever tonight, so I've had to distance myself from her so I don't get sick before the surgery, and it's been hard.

It has been a while since my last blog post.  Truthfully, I've been feeling so good and life has been so very normal, that I haven't had any updates.  I've been cleaning my own house, cooking food and for the most part taking care of my own kids!  It has felt great to have my life back and get back to the way it was before chemo.  For the most part.  I still take almost daily afternoon naps.  The fatigue is still there, mostly I think because I don't sleep well at night anymore - hot flashes.

About a week and a half ago, we met with my surgeon, Dr. Soriano, to discuss the upcoming surgery.  I asked him a question I don't recommend ever asking a doctor if you have cancer: What are the chances of recurrence after my treatment is finished?  What he told us completely rocked our world.  He told us that I had a 60% chance of living for 5 more years.  Uh, what?  So are you saying I have a 40% chance of dying in the next 5 years?  (I'm such a pessimist, I know.)  He said that the nature of my HER2 positive cancer is very aggressive and the tumor was really large.  According to the past studies, 60% of women with that kind of tumor that same size lived for the next 5 years.  After crying a little- or a lot, I'm not sure, we asked him all sorts of questions about what we could possibly do to increase my survival rate.  He told me to eat organically, and watch what kinds of health and beauty products I use.  He gave me a website to consult for this and recommended 3 books to read.

Hmm... so maybe this cancer thing is a little more serious than we thought?  We scheduled an MRI to determine whether the tumor affected my chest muscle or not.  This would determine whether or not Dr. Soriano  would have to remove any of the muscle during the mastectomy.  The absolutely WONDERFUL news is that the MRI showed no trace of the cancer!  The chemo did it's job as well as any of us could have hoped it would.

In light of our new found realization of the serious nature of my condition, we decided to go to the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance for a second opinion.  Luckily, we were able to get in before the date of my scheduled surgery, and we had all of my medical records sent over to them.  The appointment was last Tuesday, and I'm really glad we went there.  All 3 doctors (surgeon, medical oncologist, and radiation oncologist) met with me briefly first thing, then we had an hour break as the doctors talked about my case in a conference.  My good friend Emily works nearby, so she knew all the best hospital cafeterias in the area and took us to a really nice one. ;)  Anyways, when we got back to the SCCA, we spent a very long afternoon meeting with each doctor individually.

We learned that my medical oncologist in Everett had me on the harshest chemo drugs she could have chosen (Yay, Dr. Wang!  She picked the right ones, they worked!).  So, all my whining was for good cause.  We also learned that the radiation oncologist at SCCA specializes in breast radiation, and uses a neat new technique that will minimize exposure to my heart and lungs of the radiation.  We also learned of another reconstruction option that sounds like it will be better for me.  The surgeon said that a plastic surgeon could insert expanders at the time of the mastectomy, then stretch my skin over the course of the next several weeks before radiation.  After radiation, those expanders would be swapped out for permanent implants.  This eliminates the need to pull skin and muscle or fat from other areas of my body.  And it eliminates the need for another major surgery in the fall.  And most importantly, we learned that these doctors think I have a much better chance of surviving for 5 more years. :)  I'm feeling very positive and hopeful for the future.

After a stressful couple of days trying to coordinate everything, I'm all set for my bilateral skin-sparing mastectomy, auxillary node removal and expander placement tomorrow morning bright and early!  See you on the flippity flip!