Mastectomy Eve!

Well, tomorrow's a big day for me:  the day I lose my womanhood. ;)  I'm actually feeling pretty OK with everything, considering what's coming up.  I'm mostly concerned that it's going to be hard not holding and hugging my kids for a few weeks.  As I tucked the girls in their beds tonight, I was thinking of how sad it was that this would be the last time in a while that I'll be able to pick up Ellie and hold her tight. She's running a fever tonight, so I've had to distance myself from her so I don't get sick before the surgery, and it's been hard.

It has been a while since my last blog post.  Truthfully, I've been feeling so good and life has been so very normal, that I haven't had any updates.  I've been cleaning my own house, cooking food and for the most part taking care of my own kids!  It has felt great to have my life back and get back to the way it was before chemo.  For the most part.  I still take almost daily afternoon naps.  The fatigue is still there, mostly I think because I don't sleep well at night anymore - hot flashes.

About a week and a half ago, we met with my surgeon, Dr. Soriano, to discuss the upcoming surgery.  I asked him a question I don't recommend ever asking a doctor if you have cancer: What are the chances of recurrence after my treatment is finished?  What he told us completely rocked our world.  He told us that I had a 60% chance of living for 5 more years.  Uh, what?  So are you saying I have a 40% chance of dying in the next 5 years?  (I'm such a pessimist, I know.)  He said that the nature of my HER2 positive cancer is very aggressive and the tumor was really large.  According to the past studies, 60% of women with that kind of tumor that same size lived for the next 5 years.  After crying a little- or a lot, I'm not sure, we asked him all sorts of questions about what we could possibly do to increase my survival rate.  He told me to eat organically, and watch what kinds of health and beauty products I use.  He gave me a website to consult for this and recommended 3 books to read.

Hmm... so maybe this cancer thing is a little more serious than we thought?  We scheduled an MRI to determine whether the tumor affected my chest muscle or not.  This would determine whether or not Dr. Soriano  would have to remove any of the muscle during the mastectomy.  The absolutely WONDERFUL news is that the MRI showed no trace of the cancer!  The chemo did it's job as well as any of us could have hoped it would.

In light of our new found realization of the serious nature of my condition, we decided to go to the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance for a second opinion.  Luckily, we were able to get in before the date of my scheduled surgery, and we had all of my medical records sent over to them.  The appointment was last Tuesday, and I'm really glad we went there.  All 3 doctors (surgeon, medical oncologist, and radiation oncologist) met with me briefly first thing, then we had an hour break as the doctors talked about my case in a conference.  My good friend Emily works nearby, so she knew all the best hospital cafeterias in the area and took us to a really nice one. ;)  Anyways, when we got back to the SCCA, we spent a very long afternoon meeting with each doctor individually.

We learned that my medical oncologist in Everett had me on the harshest chemo drugs she could have chosen (Yay, Dr. Wang!  She picked the right ones, they worked!).  So, all my whining was for good cause.  We also learned that the radiation oncologist at SCCA specializes in breast radiation, and uses a neat new technique that will minimize exposure to my heart and lungs of the radiation.  We also learned of another reconstruction option that sounds like it will be better for me.  The surgeon said that a plastic surgeon could insert expanders at the time of the mastectomy, then stretch my skin over the course of the next several weeks before radiation.  After radiation, those expanders would be swapped out for permanent implants.  This eliminates the need to pull skin and muscle or fat from other areas of my body.  And it eliminates the need for another major surgery in the fall.  And most importantly, we learned that these doctors think I have a much better chance of surviving for 5 more years. :)  I'm feeling very positive and hopeful for the future.

After a stressful couple of days trying to coordinate everything, I'm all set for my bilateral skin-sparing mastectomy, auxillary node removal and expander placement tomorrow morning bright and early!  See you on the flippity flip!

Bye Bye chemo!

Dare I say it?  I think I'm finally done with chemo!!  I had kind of a false alarm on Monday morning, though.  I woke up early in the morning laying perfectly still doing my usual "week after chemo" mental checklist.  Do I feel nauseated?  No.  Is there any type of weird burning sensation in my chest?  No.  Am I uncomfortable in any way?  No.  Am I hungry?  Yes.  Do I want to see my kids?  Yes.  Do I have enough energy to get out of bed?  Yes.  Tears sprung to my eyes, and I immediately hit my knees and said the most thankful prayer I can ever remember saying.  

Then I got out of bed and saw this on the living room floor:

Now, if you have never received a love note written entirely out of legos, well... I don't know what to tell you.  Trevor is pretty good.  Not just pretty good.  He's been amazing throughout this whole ordeal.  He continues to love me through all my cranky sicky days, and has to pick up a LOT of slack around here.  I'm so lucky. :)

But, dagnabbit, I was still sick.  But now I think I'm better.  What a difference a couple of days makes.  Anyways, I'll spare the talk of how I got sick again, and all the throwing up, and the 4 hour visit to the doctor to get more meds and fluids because of my dehydration.  That's over and done, right?  

I really want to share a little ditty from another cancer survivor's blog that I recently discovered.  It's from chemobabe.com.  She's pretty insightful and has been down the journey I'm on, and it's helpful for me to hear and learn from others' experiences.  I LOVED the following metaphor:

Chemotherapy as a treatment is like walking along and arriving at a great chasm in my path. I can’t see the bottom but am told that I must go forward into the pit if I want to continue on with my life. So I reluctantly slide down into that chemo-hole, not sure what snakes or rats or crags or spiders might hurt me along the way down, not knowing exactly where the bottom lies, whether its made of soft mud or hard concrete. I brace myself for the bottom and, once I hit, I recover some, gather up my strength. Then I scale my way back out, climbing toward light and life, looking to find solid ground again. Arriving back on land, perhaps scarred, scared, weary, and even bitten, I must walk forward again, in order to actively choose my life. Soon I face another chasm, another chemo-hole, which may or may not be like the previous one. In general, I have been told, the pits will get nastier as I progress on this path, but I also learn some crag-avoiding tricks and ways to break my fall. But down I go, and somehow, once again, I must try to find my way out of that darkness, knowing that I will crawl back into the light, only have to sink down again.

The time spent at the bottom of the pit is the hardest. There is a moment of time, after I have landed at the bottom and have had the wind knocked out of me, where I am stunned and confused, not quite able to take anything in. But then I get this fighting feeling and want to scramble out with as much might as I can muster. My coming to usually involves hearing my children’s voices, whether in joy or distress. I resent being sidelined from their lives. As soon as I am able, I feel compelled to get out of the hole, no matter how battered down I have been, if only to hear about their day, brush their hair, or ooo and aaah at their latest art project.

She paints a good picture of what it feels like.  Part of the torture of chemo is that you voluntarily allow the poison to drip in to your body.  It feels so wrong, but you know it has to be done.  And yes, each cycle of chemo was worse than the last.  And I completely resented being "sidelined" from my kids' lives.  I still resent it, but I've come to some cool realizations that are helping with these feelings.    

Let me give you a teeny tiny snapshot of what's been going on around here:  Monday afternoon my parents and Cavin arrived to help me and to take care of the girls while Trevor drove down to pick up Isaac in Centralia.  They cooked, cleaned, read to me, played with the girls, and put them to bed.  They let me nap, bathe, relax and heal.  

Tuesday morning, my friend Leah comes over in the morning.  She makes the kids waffles, then bundles the girls up in snow clothes and walks them home to her house, as she is watching them for me all day.  Enter Elise and Michelle.  They have just battled the snowy roads to come clean my house for me.  I am on the phone with a nurse when they arrive.  The nurse wants me to come in to the hospital right away, the doctor is going to want to see me.  So we send Isaac down to Cindy's house for the day to play, and Trevor drives me to the hospital.  My friends stay at the house and continue deep cleaning, locking up after they finished.  After 4 hours at the hospital, completely exhausted but feeling better, we return to the house to find our driveway/sidewalks have been shoveled for the 2nd day in a row, thanks to Leah's husband.  About 45 minutes later, DeeDee arrives with dinner.  15 minutes after that, the girls come home.  It's now 5pm, and Barby knocks on the door.  She is here to help serve and clean up dinner.  I actually had to call Kim and tell her we wouldn't need her to come over at 7 to help get kids ready for bed, and that we'd take a rain check.

Did I mention this is just a SNAPSHOT?  This is the kind of help our family has been receiving.  We are so incredibly blessed to be surrounded by loving family and friends.  The tears flow freely as I type this, and I'll try to explain:

Have you ever had an assignment at church that you really liked, then just when you were feeling confident and comfortable in your position, you get released from that job and someone else takes over?  Or for those who have gone on missions, do you remember the weird feeling you'd have when you were transferred to another area, and you had to leave behind the people you loved that you were teaching?  These are small ways I believe the Lord is teaching us that this is HIS work, not ours.  We can live our lives serving Him and doing our very best, but no matter how much we try to make it about us, it's not.  He is in charge and we can help Him or not.  

I feel that while I have been "sidelined" so to speak during a small portion of my childrens' childhood, Heavenly Father has been orchestrating things masterfully and has not missed a beat.  My children are being so very well cared for.  My children are HIS work!  I actually feel like I am getting free parenting lessons from all the wonderful women who have been helping me.  I just watch and learn.  My house still gets clean.  We eat lovingly prepared meals.  We are being taken care of.  I'm not saying that I'm being replaced or "transferred", or anything like that.  But I'm coming to realize I shouldn't worry so much and that the Lord is so involved in a very real way.  This doesn't diminish at all the efforts of the friends and family around us.  Quite the opposite.  I feel like they are angels!  Doing the Lord's work.

I do wish I could do my mamma proud and be a good "thank you" note writer right now.  This practice was deeply drilled into me from my childhood.  Not that I was ever perfect at it, but I at least know enough to feel guilty when I don't write one!  I'm sure after reading this, mom will volunteer to come over and help me hammer out a bunch of 'em. :)

Almost done with the "Crappy Crap"!!

All right everyone, here I sit watching My Little Ponies with Emma and Ellie the night before my VERY LAST CHEMO INFUSION!! Yes, can you tell I'm a little happy about that?  (No, not the Pony part... I tried watching Sound of Music with them but they got bored with the talking parts, then I tried Wizard of Oz, but they were scared by the wizard.  So I finally let Emma pick a show.) (And stop judging me for letting them watch so much TV tonight.  I'm really tired.)  I will go in early in the morning for a blood draw, then meet with my Oncologist, ask her all my burning questions, then go to support group all before my 12:00 appointment for liquid poison.  I am praying that my blood counts will all be in the normal range, because last time I went in for my scheduled chemo, my platelets and red blood cell counts were too low, and my doctor had me wait another week.  I looked at her and cried because it ruined my plan to be done with this treatment by Jan 4.  And it ruined my plan to be healthy the week before Christmas.  But, I've heard that is kind of common, especially towards the end of treatment...And it all ended up working out just fine, though.  The change in schedule made it possible for Trevor and I to attend the Young Survivor Coalition holiday party.  This is the support group I attend that meets in Seattle.  It seems to be more than a support group, but a great  community of women, who continue to come to meetings and events long after treatment is over. I have made some friends there and have had some really good talks.  I love it because I get to learn all the lovely things my mind and body have in store in the coming months and years. ;)

On the subject of "things that are common towards the end of chemo", my hair is actually starting to grow back.  It's kind of weird that it would grow back so soon, but I'm not gonna argue!  It's not thick and lovely looking, but is sparse, soft and sickly looking.  But, it's HAIR!  I'm kind of curious what it will grow back like: They say that straight hair after chemo grows back curly, so I'm guessing my curly hair will grow back curli-er.  Can't wait to find out.

OK now, I'm sitting in the hall outside of the Kids' rooms waiting for Emma to fall asleep.  She is scared of bedtime recently and sometimes if I sit here until she falls asleep, it helps her feel safe. She thinks a monster will come out of her closet.  :(  

OK, this is a little off topic, but here is a picture Emily Stephens took of me and Isaac last weekend in a Krispy Creme.  Not quite sure why my had looks all jacked up... See us smiling with excitement watching those hot doughnuts come out of the oil?  We spontaneously hopped off the freeway on our way down to Centralia just because we saw the "HOT NOW" sign lit up. We were so excited to get our free Original Glazed doughnut fresh off the belt, only to find out they "don't do that anymore". Ugh.  Ya mean we have to BUY our doughnuts?!!  What is that all about?

Well, I just read through this post and it is probably more random than most. Sorry 'bout that. You have to read it in the same order I think it, I guess.  Anyways, wish me luck!  Here's to blood counts in the "normal" range, and a week of sickness.  I promise I won't complain, I am excited to put chemo behind me.  And I'm excited to be the one that the nurses come over to and clap for tomorrow... I'm gonna make some newbie cry with jealousy!  Heh heh heh.

Chemo Eve (for my second to last infusion)

Well tomorrow I go in for my second to last chemo infusion.  I get emotional every time I think about being done with this.  I've felt really good for almost a week now, and am trying to emotionally prepare for the crappy crap that I know is inevitable starting tomorrow.  This last cycle was a doozy, and I'm sure the last two will be no better.  BUT, I have learned an important lesson:  When I am dealing with terrible side effects and it seems unbearable, I need to go to the doctor right away.  They have drugs to help.  Let me explain.

I was sick for my usual one week following a chemo infusion, then woke up the Wednesday following chemo feeling GREAT.  I spent a day and a half feeling like a champ, then (of course) overdid it and ended up flat on my back for about a week.  The culprit?  Hemorrhoids and terrible mouth sores.

I've probably mentioned that constipation is a major side effect of chemo, and I have to constantly take measures to keep it all in check.  Well, that condition, coupled with my "overdoing it" (cooking, cleaning, playing w/ kids, out to eat...), was a recipe for disaster.  Now I know it's gross to talk about, but it is my hope that my blog will help someone else who is going to go through what I'm going through, so I don't see the point really to sensor too much.  I have also come to realize that getting hemorrhoids is pretty common, but you wouldn't know because WHO EVER TALKS ABOUT IT?!   Anyways, the point is that I was able to be healed rather quickly after going to the urgent care clinic on Sunday, then meeting with the nurses at my herceptin infusion on Wednesday.  Thank goodness!  It was soooo miserable.  Standing hurt, sitting hurt, laying down hurt.  Ugh, I'm glad it's over.

I was also dealing with mouth sores for the first time.  Another chemo side effect.  I would cry when I put food in my mouth it hurt so bad.  It hurt to even drink a fruit smoothie!  I didn't realize that there was anything they could do for me, but after talking to my nurse during herceptin, I was able to get a prescription for something that was actually called, "Magic Mouthwash"!  It worked SO WELL!  I was so mad at myself for waiting so long to talk to someone about the awful mouth sores.  I had just continued to rinse with the warm water/salt/baking soda mixture that they had told me about before.  And it didn't help at all.

So anyways, I started feeling so much better towards the end of last week, and pretty much felt like a normal person for almost a week.  Trevor and I were able to go out for a while on Saturday and do some Christmas shopping really for the first time.  We got a lot accomplished sans kids.

Also, in there somewhere, I took Emma and Ellie to the Nutcracker at the Performing Arts Center down the street from us.  We had a great time.  I was going to just take Emma, but Susan (my sister) came up for the day to help me and suggested she come too, and bring Ellie.  It was so fun!  Ellie was really good during the whole thing.  Here are some pictures of that day:

 
Emma had her dress picked out WEEKS ago, when I told her we were going to go to the Nutcracker.  The dress is really a dress up dress, but I couldn't talk her in to anything else, so I thought "why not?".  She was so happy.  The bottom picture is of most of the group we went with.  We had so much fun!

This last weekend, our stake put on our first annual Nativity Festival.  It was beautiful and so well put together.  It was a very spiritual experience for all of us who were able to attend.

This is Emma with her friend, Esther dressed up in the kid's room.There were crafts for them to do, little nativity scenes they could play with, and the dress up nativity scene.

This is a picture of us in the Live Nativity portion of the event.  This scene was set up at one end of the gym, and the entire rest of the gym was set up with over 550 nativity scenes from all over the world.  People were able to walk around and look at all of them, and the live scene was an amazing one to stop at.  It ran continuously for the afternoons and evenings the festival was open, and the people switched out every half hour. In this picture, I am Mary, Trevor is Joseph standing to my right, and Isaac is a shepherd boy kneeling to my left.  Our friends Evan and Pierce were also shepherds.  Our job was to be still and gaze adoringly at the little doll which was baby Jesus.  It was a pretty cool experience.  It was incredible to be able to take a half an hour to just sit and reflect on the miracle of Christ's birth.  Isaac and Pierce were able to sit still the whole time because we promised them cookies at the end!

Well that's it for now.  Wish me luck as I go in to my infusion tomorrow.  I am excited to get it over with. :)  Thanks to all of you for your love, prayers, and support.  I am the luckiest girl I know. I am surrounded by amazing people who work so hard to make my life easier.

30 Days of Gratitude

Now that it's the end of November, I feel it is entirely appropriate that I make a substantial list of things I am thankful for.  What prompted this? You ask.  I was just woken out of dead sleep by a hot flash, am unable to fall back asleep, and had a funny thankful thought.  I will write them in the order they come to me: (definitely the easiest way to write things!)

1. I am THANKFUL for a sweet husband who takes his own clippers and buzzes all the scraggly hairs off my head when my scalp feels like pins and needles.  (Seriously, this was the thought that got the ball rolling here...)
2. I am THANKFUL for warm bubble baths at the end of stressful days.  And thankful that my bathroom fan drowns out the sounds of my children who should be sleeping but are making their own joyful noises.
3. I am THANKFUL that my kids are so very well taken care of by dear friends when I am too sick and weak to do so myself.  I cannot express how thankful I am for this.
4. I am THANKFUL for Burger King original chicken sandwiches.  Trevor woke Isaac up from sleep last night at 10pm to take him down to BK to get munchies.  (I did not know this, I was talking on the phone in my room.) All I knew is that all of a sudden, Trevor was tossing a chicken sandwich on my bed - he hates them, but he knows I love them.  I went out in the living room and the boys were watching TV eating burgers and chicken nuggets like nothing was out of the ordinary!  God love 'em.  Maybe this one should have been"thankful for Trevor", but I already did one for him.  And I know you're thinking that the reason I have insomnia is because of my weird late night binge.  But stop right there, and don't judge me!  I've been sick all week, and now that I'm getting better, if food sounds good, I eat that food.
5. I am THANKFUL for my scriptures.  I've recently rediscovered them and it has been like catching up with an old friend.  I love to read my scriptures and have felt many many flashes of inspiration and guidance from Heavenly Father as I search them.  
6. I am THANKFUL for the way Emma wakes up each morning.  Immediately when she sees me, her face lights up and she yells, "Good morning Mommy!" and usually she runs to me with a hug and kiss.  
7. I am THANKFUL for Isaac's sweet calm spirit.  He is so good with his little sisters and never complains (ok, rarely) when I ask him to help out - which is a lot these days.
8. I am THANKFUL that Ellie gives me her special look still.  I noticed this when she was just a newborn, and she still somehow has the ability to communicate, "Mom, everything is going to be fine" with just a look.  I can't explain it, but that's what she does.
9. I am THANKFUL for good friends and girls night outs.
10. I am THANKFUL that we have a beautiful home that is warm and dry and perfect for our family.  I think about this every time the rain is pelting on the windowpanes.  The storm may rage out there, but my family is safe in here. :)
11. I am THANKFUL for PAVE' bakery in Everett.  They have the best apple cake this side of the Mississippi.  Oh, and those chocolate croissants... heaven!
12. I am THANKFUL for technology.  (didn't Napoleon Dynamite's brother Kip write an inspiring song on the subject?  See, I'm not the only one who likes technology)  Seriously, the internet is such a miraculous tool, though.
13. I am THANKFUL for family.  We live so close to most of our family and get to see everyone on a pretty regular basis.  I am sooo blessed.
14. I am THANKFUL for my bookclub.  There is always yummy food and wonderful conversation.  Just got home, in fact. (Yes, I fell asleep after writing #13, and it wasn't until tonight that I picked up where I left off.)
15. I am THANKFUL for Red Robin and the fact that they give you a free birthday burger during the month of your birthday.  Me and Cindy were able to cash in on our freebies today (last day of the month!)
16. I am THANKFUL that my kids have the best sleeping habits of any kids I know.  They never end up in my bed, they go to bed pretty early, take great naps and wake up relatively late in the morning.
17. I am THANKFUL that I live so close to mountains, the Sound, lakes, and rivers.  I love the Northwest.
18. I am THANKFUL for Christmas music.  And decorations.  And real Christmas trees.
19. I am THANKFUL for good food.  In particular garlic cheesy bread.
20. I am THANKFUL that Trevor works from home.  This comes in handy when I am sick and he can take care of me, but it also comes in handy when I want to go run errands while the girls nap.  It saves us a lot of money that we would spend on gas and wear and tear on cars, and he can be "home" from work whenever I need him.  
21. I am THANKFUL for sunshine.
22. I am THANKFUL for rain.
23. I am THANKFUL I'm almost done w/ my list.  I thought it would be easier to think of 30 things!
24. I am THANKFUL for Biore' Pore Strips, and I just got done using one.  
25. I am THANKFUL that I only have 2 more chemo treatments!  I am oh so excited about that.
26. I am THANKFUL for my favorite TV shows.  Modern Family, The Office, Parenthood, Survivor, New Girl, and ALF.  Haha!  Just kidding about that one.
27. I am THANKFUL for friends and family who come clean my house when I am too fatigued to get everything done.  I can't believe how great everyone has been.
28. I am THANKFUL to be an American and to have been born in to such privileged circumstances.  I have always had opportunities, a comfortable place to live and plenty of food to eat.  
29. I am THANKFUL for yoga pants.
30. I am THANKFUL that my eyebrows and eyelashes have decided to hold tight thus far.  I like that.

Well, did it!  I came up with 30 things!  Hope you enjoyed, now I'm gonna go to bed.

Support groups help me feel supported

During the past week and a half, I had the opportunity to attend 2 very different and wonderful breast cancer support groups.  The first was over a week ago and was held at the Cancer Partnership in Everett.  This is the building that I go to for all of my infusions, and where I will receive radiation when the time comes.  This building is ALL CANCER ALL THE TIME!  You need cancer solutions?  We got 'em!  You need a beanie, here's a closet full!  You need a brochure telling you what foods to eat?  We have an entire room of brochures!  You want to sit in a waiting room full of people that look like death?  No problem!  You want your body poisoned slowly, but not enough to kill you?  We'll do it!  ;)  OK, I digress... I arrived to this group an hour late, because I had the time wrong, but was able to catch the last half hour.  It was really nice.  The facilitator of the group was great (she actually offers free counseling to cancer patients and their families, a service I am excited to explore), they were discussing stress management when I arrived.  The group consisted of about 7 or 8 women, most of which were quite a bit older than me.  There was a gal in her late 40's who had a 7 year old daughter at home, so I felt like we could bond over that commonality (kids at home).  She was so nice and easy to talk to.  I enjoyed hearing how other people dealt with stress and it was so validating to know that yes, it is stressful to go through what we're going through.

The next week (last Wednesday), I attended another support group.  This one was a group called the Young Survivors Coalition.  The group is full of women who were diagnosed with breast cancer in their 20's and 30's.  They meet in Seattle in a building owned by "Gilda's Club", I believe a non-profit organization that supports cancer survivor's and their families.  Anyways, OH MY GOSH!  I LOVED being at this support group.  I felt an instant connection with these girls. I sat down (there were 10-13 people there) in a big over stuffed chair.  There were easy chairs and comfy couches forming a circle, with a pile of blankets in the middle in case you got cold.  They had treats and drinks, the atmosphere was relaxed, and I felt like I related to every person who spoke.  The format was totally loose, we went around the circle and told our stories to each other.  There were so many girls that had my same exact kind of cancer and the same stage.  Some of them were through with treatments, some of us were relatively new.  Some of them had kids, some worked full time, some were students, some were single, we probably had a million differences, but I felt instantly bonded to them because of this huge thing we had in common: Our bodies had turned on us.  (That was how one of the girls put it, and I had been feeling the same way, just hadn't put it in those words.)  Even though I just met these girls, I have been thinking about them a lot over the past several days and I've even been worrying about some of them and am eager to go back and get to know them better.  The only problem with this support group is that it's in Seattle, and it seriously took me 2 1/2 hours to get there battling traffic during rush hour last Wed.  I know it won't always be like that, but it will always be during rush hour, and it will always take longer than the usual hour.  I do plan to go as often as I can, I know it will be immensely therapeutic. 

Anyways, due to a demand from out of town friends and family, I am going to put a couple of pictures of what I look like these days.  Here's one of me and my bald head.  I rarely go in public this way, it is just too cold.  But I ain't ashamed, let's be clear!

I'm not so good with the photo editing right now, otherwise, I woulda cropped it and zoomed in on my shiny scalp.  Now here's a couple of me in my wig.  This is just one of my three wigs.  You'll just have to wait for another day to get pics of the other two.  It'll give you something to look forward to.  The first is when I have it pulled back in a barret...

The next one is when I took the barret out.  Not sure why it turned out so dark...

I don't wear wigs very often because they're not super comfy.  Here's one of me with a scarf.  This is probably my most common look.  We're at Red Robin with the kids and Trevor surprised me with an early anniversary gift:

So my days aren't really full of thinking about and treating my cancer, although you wouldn't know it to read my blog! Me and Emma participate in a preschool coop.  There are 6 little girls in it and we, the moms, rotate being the teachers!  I have arranged the schedule in such a way that my teaching weeks fall on days that I feel good enough to do it.  And it has been so fun for both me and Emma.  She loves her little friends and is learning a lot.  Here are a couple of pictures of that.  This first one is of the girls wearing crowns of leaves.  They were "leaf princesses"!  Ellie and Emma are sitting on the middle couch cushion.

We went out back to pick apples, then used them to make apple stamps.  It was great!

They don't all get along ALL the time.  And they don't all do the cute pose you're trying to get them to do ALL the time.  Bless their hearts! ;)

Now here's one of Isaac and Trevor showing off the 10 pounds of candy that Isaac pulled in!  Now you know what we're gonna stuff the kids' stockings with this year...

Now after you see the next few, you will never again be able to support an argument that we are not fun cool parents:

Now you know you want to jump in to that big pit-o-foam!

This is a place called Absolute Air, we love it.  Just look at Emma's face here. So these are just a few of the things our family has been doing lately... We are trying hard to keep busy and have fun as a family.

This week is a chemo week, so you probably won't hear from me for a little while.  I'm so excited to complete the last half of my chemo treatment!  Woot woot!  Bring it on.  Er, I guess, if you have to.

11/11/11!

Well I would be completely remiss if I neglected to write in my blog on 11/11/11!  A very special day to wish a happy 33rd (yes, 11+11+11=33) b-day to Cindy Glunt.  Now, if I time it just right, I will click "publish post" at exactly 11:11pm.  Oh my gosh am I a dork?

I feel like I'm letting more and more time pass between posting in my blog, but I want to still keep in touch, especially with friends and family that live far away and wonder how I'm doing.  My last chemo infusion was 9 days ago, and I made it through the hard first week, and am starting up with the good 2 weeks.  That's how it goes:  a really hard week followed by 2 pretty good ones.  It's nice that there is a pattern and I can anticipate how I'll feel on any particular date.  Seriously, give me a date and I'll tell you how I'm gonna feel.  Thanksgiving?  I'm gonna feel like crap.  Christmas?   I'm gonna feel amazing.  See, I've already mapped out the holidays.  Black Friday?  Don't even think about it.  I'll be home in the fetal position rocking back and forth.

Last Saturday (3 days after chemo) I went to the Zumba fundraiser my friends held for me in Stanwood.  It was pretty amazing to go see.  To have so many friends there (and lots that I didn't even know) to support me felt so good.  Trevor actually came and did Zumba in a gorilla costume!  It was pretty funny, but he didn't last long in that.  I guess it's pretty warm. :)  Anyways, we stayed for a while, and I tried to Zumba it up as well as I could, but I had zero energy or stamina, and felt pretty embarrassed that I could barely last through a full song without having to go sit.  Sitting and watching became kind of hard, because I kept getting jealous of all the happy healthy dancing bodies in the room, so Trev took me out to lunch.  I was glad I got to go and be there for part of it, and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to be surrounded by wonderful people who work so hard to make things easier for me and my family. 

That day (Nov 5th) also was our 6th anniversary!  I can't believe it's been 6 whole years, time flies.  Trev still can't believe he married me with what he calls my "pre-existing condition".  That would be the cancer.  We were told that my cancer is about 7 years old.  This is an estimate based on the size of the largest tumor and the rate the cells divide.  So, technically, I had cancer before I even knew Trevor.  But now he's stuck with me!  (For those that don't know Trevor's sense of humor, don't be worried.  We joke about the "preexisting condition".  He's not insensitive, just funny!) 

So I get a lot of "how are you feeling?" questions and it's really hard to explain the crummy 1st week feeling... It's a little bit like 1st trimester pregnancy because food sounds terrible, but the only way to feel better it to eat sometimes.  This time around, my fingers, tongue and lips are tingly.  My hot flashes come and go just as annoyingly as ever, my taste buds are out of whack- food just doesn't taste right.  And I'm tired a lot.  But guess what?  I've finished 3 chemo infusions, and I only have 3 left.  Soooo... that's freakin' awesome, right?  It feels really amazing to be half done.

Trudy and Susan (with her 2 kiddos Natalie and Gerard) came to take care of me and my kids today.  It was so nice, I was able to get in a little nap, the kids played, me and Trudy took Natalie and Emma for a little walk in the rain (we sang Christmas carols all the way home) and we just relaxed.  Then tomorrow, Mom and Dad will come spend the day up here, since Trevor and Isaac are going to be hunting.  It's nice to get so much help and support.

Anyways, I think the Melatonin is starting to kick in finally.  My mom suggested it since I have a hard time with sleeping these days.  I'm crossing my fingers for a full night's sleep w/ no interruption.

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